Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"Queen of Unfulfilled Dreams"

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" is a word I have been hearing over and over again from Christian people, most of whom do not know anything about me. This verse, unknown to them, is a verse I hold as a treasure to my heart. It is a verse I hold onto continually.

One reason for that is because I look at my life and see so many dreams that have yet to be fufilled that I have labelled myself "The Queen of Unfulfilled Dreams."

A while ago I heard a testimony of a woman of a large, major ministry say all her dreams had been fulfulled by the time she reached forty. I have a hard time relating to her, for sure!

Mind you, I know the verse "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" is conditional. Real Christianity is not some sort of "visualize hard enough and you will have it" sort of New Age philosophy. One has to 'delight themselves in the Lord.' Then He puts on your heart what is His will!

I feel I have passed the test of delighting myself in the Lord. (Of course, delighting oneself is a joy, not a test.) One thing the Lord has given me out of my times with Him is endurance that what He has put on my heart will come to pass.

However, the devil will come at my from time to time with the "You will never marry or even find the man of your dreams, publish your book, sell your artwork, have any kind of ministry, or travel to the nations, you will just be mopping floors the rest of your life! Look at your life now! You can't even get anybody to read your blog!
(I have just graduated from college, am unemployed in a town full of over-educated people).

However, I am finding the Lord gives me strength to face the devil and his accusations.

I am writing this to encourage those who struggle with unfulfilled dreams, hold on, because you are responsible for the talents God gives you, do not bury them because nothing seems to be opening up for you. Remember God sees.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Seer Anointing

About twelve years ago I was involved with an online prophetic ministry which helped me get some training in the prophetic. I actually got to the point where I was invited to the "Advanced Prophetic Rooms" where those supposedly more gifted were invited. Since the churches in my area do not do much training in the prophetic, this was a good chance to stretch and grow in my abilities.

However, the leader of the ministry would not let me lead a prophetic room when I asked her if I could do so, she would only let me lead the "prayer room" as I was told by her that I was not gifted enough in the prophetic to lead a prophetic room. My first response was anger, but I was sensible enough not to take it out on her. When these things happened I would doubt my calling by God to the office of the prophet/prophetess, which has been confirmed numerous times by man. (My calling to this is not general knowledge, however, as most churches in my area do not acknowledge that God could raise up people that way in Ithaca, that is only for the BIG ministries.)

I struggled some more with what I heard from this person, but the Lord kept telling me I needed to forgive, needed to move on, and that my calling was the same, I just needed to step into it.

Just a few days ago the Lord brought me back to what happened twelve years ago and gave me some insight as to what happened. Mind you, I had forgiven this person, the Lord had healed me, and I do not even think about this incident any more.

The Lord showed me in some ways this woman who rejected me was hearing from Him, as the prophetic giftings He had given me were much more visual, and could not be fully expressed in a chat room. Around sixteen years ago the Lord gave me the ability to look into a person's eyes and see things about them and know where they were at spiritually. About a month ago the Lord gave me the opportunity to minister to my college class this way and they were amazed. These people did not even know the Lord!

I believe my calling as an artist also has to do with this, and somehow the "seer anointing" within me will express itself through my artwork. After all, art is a visual medium.

May we overcome the obstacles and minunderstandings that surround us every day and press into the full understanding of our own callings.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The "Cortland Prophetic Fair"

Last Monday (May 9) I presented an event proposal to my Popular Culture college class called the Cortland Prophetic Fair. (There is actually a Cortland Psychic Fair that takes place every year in October.)

I made a list of the names of those who I would like to attend and present at my imaginary event, including some of the "big" names today that do such prophetic evangelism ministry. I would also be one of the ministers there, my table was entitled "What Does the Spirit Say?" I explained that I was not a psychic, and the true prophetic was based on Christianity.

My professor asked me the week before if I would do a a demonstration of my abilities to the class. I was pretty nervous, but I knew the Lord would deliver. So, under the Spirit's direction I pointed to one of the students in the class sitting near the front and said "You have trouble making decisions." His roommate was sitting across from him and said me and the class, "I tell him that all the time!" Then I had words for a couple others, which they said were accurate.

I don't think most of the people in the class were even saved, but it must have gotten them thinking. The point I am trying to make is it is time for so many of us to step out and let the Lord use us.

Yes, there was much personal preparation I had to go through in order for me to be ready to be available and used for this final class project. I have had to deal with self promotion and jealousy when I would see someone getting used in a way I wanted to be used. I was watching the head of the campus ministry at my college praise a certain woman near my age for being so anointed while he totally overlooked me. The Lord promised me nine years ago when I was dealing with this issue that if I would deal with my heart, that He would promote me someday. What happened on campus for my final undergraduate project gave me much encouragement that a new season had come for me. I have been passing the tests.

Now I share this story not to draw attention to myself and ask if I can be the next speaker at your conference, lol, although I know I am called to the nations and will be speaking at conferences someday, but right now I am exhorting the church to deal with issues and step out, for the night is soon coming.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Prophetic project for Monday May 9

Well, God is giving me a chance this coming Monday to do something I have dreamed of doing for a long time, standing before a group and ministering in prophecy and word of knowledge. However, it will not be in a church, it will be for a college project in one of my college classes. I am presenting an imaginary event called the Cortland Prophetic Fair (a parody of the Cortland Psychic Fair which takes place every year).

I am grateful to God this is happening, as God is showing me since he opened the door for this, the other dreams God has put on my heart will come to pass as well.

Church, the time is over of saying you are not ready and need more training to move in the prophetic and the gifts of the Spirit, the time is NOW to get ready!! Please keep me in prayer for Monday!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Unforgiveness: How to Disqualify Yourself

I have walked through a long journey of learning how to love and how to forgive. The Holy Spirit has indeed taken me by the hand many times and counseled me. It may be true that I have been through more than most, bullied through childhood, spiritual abuse, and divorce to name some big events that psychology would consider traumatic, life altering events.

When I say not forgiving disqualifies you, I mean just that. You can be disqualified from the high call of God. When I speak of the high call of God, please refer to my first article, where I talked about how God had given me supernatural love for a person. I don't want unforgiveness to rule me! God has given me grace to be ruthless when it comes to
choosing to let go of offenses and choosing to love. That is the only way one can overcome in this area, and only the overcomers will achieve the high call, according to the book of Revelation. We are to guard our hearts with ALL diligence.

It is true that the more you choose to love and forgive, the stronger you will get in this area, not in your own strength, but God's.
Back in by twenties I went through a period of spiritual abuse where the persons I lived with told me I was not saved. Worse than that, it was also suggested to me that if I wanted to be saved it was too late, I was damned and going to hell no matter what I did. These words brought me much emotional torment. Fortunately this situation did not last very long, and I moved out from the family I was living with back into my parents' home.

Living with my parents, I went back to work for the cleaning service that my church ran.
I always found that cleaning was a time for me to get wrapped up in my own thoughts. In the first few weeks and months of "recovery" from being told what I was told, I first began to realize that what was said to me was wrong and thoughts of anger and bitterness against those that had attacked me surfaced.

However, the Lord's voice within me at that time told me I had to let go and forgive. It was not easy, but eventually I found healing
out of obeying the Lord. After all, forgiving is one of the real tests to proving one's salvation, and I passed the test!!

I have included a poll to ask readers where they personally stand on this issue, please take it and realize the importance of forgiveness!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Knowing the Pleasure of the Lord

Knowing the pleasure of the Lord is what keeps me going in my daily life. I face the displeasure of man so often and being able to come into the Lord's presence and know His delight in me as a real experience is a wonderful thing. It is the exact opposite of living in failure and condemnation, for only the enemy brings condemnation.

Desiring to bring the Lord pleasure has become a personal measuring stick for me. With Him, since we have been accepted in Christ, if we live in obedience to Him and His voice, we can know we are "good enough." With man, we may not be good enough, but with God, we can be.

I am a single mother, college student, soon to be graduate student, and putting my own daughter through college as well. I have tons on my plate, and to be honest, my house does not get cleaned on a regular basis. But it is picked up and organized where it needs to be. You know what?? I feel the Lord is pleased with how I do things around my house. As far as my college studies, I do not read every word in my textbooks, I have to be selective and pick and choose the best way to study. I have to live my entire life that way and constantly prioritize or else I would get completely overwhelmed very fast. I have to use the measuring stick of knowing God's pleasure.

I have lived so long this way I do not know how to live any other way. What is there to live for otherwise? A set of man made expectations and rules that get told to us at every turn? We can know His pleasure for sure. If you don't know what I am talking about, you can!!

Monday, February 21, 2011

How does one achieve the high call?

There is a high call that we as Christians can attain. This high call is referring to our standing and place in heaven, as not all Christians will be found in an equal place there. There are those in each church who “overcome” as Christ stated in the book of Revelation. Those who overcome are counted worthy to “sit with Christ in His throne.” Just becoming saved does not get you there, one has to live a life worthy of attaining this goal.


This is truly where the last shall be first and the first shall be last. This brings great encouragement to me because I have been regarded as the "last" in the eyes of man most of my life!!! You mean I don't have to set a goal to be a famous Christian, get my works published on the "big" prophetic websites where the "big" names go?? You mean I can be just as anointed as they are and be completely unknown?? Yes, a thousand times yes!!!


What is God's goal, then for us to attain the high call? Quite simply, it is allowing the Lord's image to be formed in us by overcoming our daily trials. When we allow the Lord to form us into His image, we become worthy of the high call. When reviled and betrayed or even misunderstood, do we forgive or hold onto grudges? Do we bless and not curse, even when our flesh screams at us that we should curse?


I received great encouragement from the Lord even yesterday (Sunday 20 Feb) regarding this. As I was walking during a town festival I felt the Lord's love in me for a certain person, someone who does not know the Lord, and there was no reason for me to feel this other than the fact that God was doing a work in me, conforming me into His image and likeness. I looked into the eyes of some of the people at this festival, and they looked so empty, even though most were very well educated and had much as far as the world was concerned. While watching these, I felt like I was being bathed in a pool of liquid love. I did not want the feeling to end.


Understand that I live in constant state of rejection and misunderstanding by the people closest to me, and I must constantly make the choice to love in the face of what is not love. It is not easy, but it is the way of Christ. When the Lord gives me such feelings such as I knew Sunday I know it is Him making me into His image. He wants us to love in the face of hate.


We must always evaluate ourselves and allow to the Lord to search us to see if our love is bright or is getting cold. This is a major way we can know we are worthy of attaining the high call. We have to allow the Lord to search us always as the Lord will always reveal to us if we want Him to what is not worthy of Him. If we set our hearts to attain the high call, He will be faithful to keep us on that path. These, in God's eyes, are the truly great ones. Remember that many with great ministries on this earth will not be great in heaven because they have not chosen to love. Only if you keep your own heart pure can you be someone great in heaven, and be counted worthy to sit with Christ. Don't be one of the foolish virgins, when the potential of so great a call beckons to you!!